If you do NOT know me read this

You are probably reading this because you met me at a social engagement and was interested in something I did, or some business I was involved in. Not to spoil the fun, but if I was drunk I probably promised more engagement than I can afford to give. Don't give up hope though, I usually speak the truth unless you are an asshole, in which case I will say about anything my heart desires at the moment. Normally I don't give my card to assholes, so rest assured I was more than likely being earnest with you. Contact me like you said you were going to. Come on now, enough messing around.

If you DO know me read this

STOP! if you don't know me don't read this. I am taking you on your honor that you will stop at the end of this sentence.

If you know me you know I am a ball buster and show affection by picking and insulting you in the most humorous way I know how, but in all comedy the silver lining of truth exists. If you are reading this and don't really know me, the next time we meet I am going to look you in the eye and say, bluebird, and I will know if you read this by the look in your eyes. Hopefully you haven't made it this far and have to go through that awkward moment with me.